What is it about pain that arouses you the most, giving it or receiving it? Masochism is a word we often read but use in sarcastic situations. We also associate them with BDSM, but are we wrong?
But First: What is A Paraphilia
While the word ‘paraphilia’ is often linked to darker tones of sexuality, there is more to it than meets the eye. In reality, the etymology of the word ‘paraphilia’ comes from ancient Greek, meaning ‘para-beside’ and ‘philia-friendship or love.’ We’re far from the standard kinky sexual fantasies definition we associate with it!
Paraphilia is a term that goes back to the very beginning of 1900. It first described people with atypical social behaviour encompassing sexual interests. Keep in mind that those who judged a person’s normality were those who followed what society dictated as ‘normal.’ We’re talking plain sexual positions, nothing in terms of interactions, in a bedroom at night type of setting. Anything to put people in boxes.
For the longest time, the Church and society had a hold on people’s personal lives, including their sexuality. Paraphilias depended on what those two entities decided was admissible and what was outrageous. For the longest time, paraphilias were referred to as ‘sexual deviations.’
If looking at a list of paraphilias made in the early to mid-1900s, most of them are common today. Many paraphilias on those lists had categories of non-human objects and humiliation. However, some paraphilias are problematic and must be studied to stop them, such as rape, crimes and pedophilia. However, the primary psychological aspect of paraphilias for doctors is to understand the correlation between trauma and paraphilias.
Are Masochism And Sadomasochism Paraphilias?
Yes, both terms are under the paraphilic umbrella. Paraphilias are sometimes viewed as disorders and something that require treatments. But intense sexual desires that arouse a person, which include an amount of pain, aren’t always a problem.
We’re not talking about your typical BDSM and spanking sessions or the famous ‘red room’ in a greyscale scenario. We’re talking about another level of pain that is either self-inflicted, done by a partner or done on someone.
BDSM, standing for bondage-domination-sadism-masochism, while an encompassing and descriptive term, doesn’t include the masochists and sadomasochists in full. BDSM can be light in its way of achieving pleasure compared to a full masochism or sadomasochism experience.
Paraphilias such as masochism and sadomasochism have levels of pain that are allowed and methods of said pain. Sometimes, they are combined with other paraphilias or used by itself. One can practice it alone or with a partner. But one thing remains constant: pain becomes a source of sexual pleasure.
What Is Sexual Masochism Disorder?
Most people who practice masochism do not have the paraphilic disorder that might come with it. Not all masochists are the same or use the same method of pain. I am a masochist, and many common ways to hurt don’t pleasure me. It comes down to a specific taste and way of feeling pain that brings a euphoric state.
While most masochists are comfortable sharing their interest in such activities, I am not. I decided to share the information because of the misinformation and blatant lies about the condition. We all experience pain in different manners and on various levels. The pain threshold varies, and the sensations can change as well.
Having a partner who approves of the behaviour can be harder to find. I am lucky that my husband understands my needs and agrees to be the sadomasochist in our relationship. Here is also where I openly say that not all masochists and sadomasochists are into humiliation practice or beatings. While most scenarios result from role-play, some go through it in full, while others don’t need that factor.
The disorder comes into place when blood becomes involved or visual wounds and injuries. Sometimes, it’s also related to the safe word not being used when it should be. I do have the disorder because I do enjoy pain and seeing my blood. I don’t cause pain to my partner, and he doesn’t make me bleed or injure me in any way. I do it to myself and not in his presence. So, being a masochist can be a lonely road.
The Typical Methods Of Masochism And Sadomasochism
As mentioned before, there are stereotypical methods of inflicting pain that include what we read in books or see on television. The most common ones are bondage, suffocation, spanking, blindfolds, whipping, humiliation, forcing oneself to engage in something.
But there are other ways to inflict pain that cause pleasure for someone who is a masochist and those involved: piercing of the skin, cutting, biting, burning, electroshock, and much more. Those methods are still, for the most part, common but less talked about. The cutting of blood circulation can also be used and is often enjoyed.
How masochists, those who receive the pain, and sadomasochists, those who inflict it, find harmony is through attempts. In most cases, masochists can endure pain more than a typical person, henceforth, the possibility of pleasure in it. Sometimes, it’s associated with trauma or psychological harm.
The level of pain wanted can sometimes overwhelm the sadomasochist, and it’s the masochist’s job to ensure that they are comfortable with it and find pleasure in it. Sometimes, it develops a deeper bond between the partners because they share something not many do: want pleasure through pain. It’s like finding beauty among ashes. It’s rare. It’s also a level of trust that few people can experience.
Does Psychological Pain Count In This Paraphilia?
Absolutely. Often, the humiliation, if not physical, through having someone perform defecation or urination on a person, we’re talking psychologically. The humiliation of masturbation before someone, undressing, performing specific actions for someone else while not wanting to do it.
Another psychological humiliation can be that the sadomasochist forces themselves on the masochist. Sometimes, the role-play gets aggressive, and the stronger or more dominant the sadomasochist is, the better. They want to fight and have someone fight back.
Sometimes, the psychological humiliation can take a turn for the worse and touch real trauma. Some masochists exorcise their demons by going through those scenarios, and psychologists and psychiatrists debate whether it is healthy or not to do so. That is why it is a paraphilia.
You might experience some form of psychological humiliation with simple words that your partner use, such as bitch, you want to be fucked, whore, etc. Those are basic and non-paraphilic sexual arousals. Role-play, such as a student and a teacher, is also a form of humiliation in the masochist territory. Again, at a ubiquitous and low entry, if you will.
Is There A Level Of Blood To Have The Paraphilia Disorder?
No. As you read in this piece, the masochist and sadomasochist paraphilia disorder isn’t about what it is but the result. Yes, some people practice cutting to see blood, but one drop or a cup has you positive for the disorder.
The reason why masochism is a disorder is because, often, it is the result of trauma. Another approach to this is how in rare cases, a woman can be aroused by her rapist or abuser. It’s not the person that creates the arousal but the sensation and movements, i.e., the result. The action still remains a crime.
However, what is important to take from this article is the complexity of masochism and sadomasochism. Those terms are much heavier than we think when used for sarcastic comments. They encompass an entire world of pleasure for people. The experience is natural and quite pleasurable.
The bond of trust created between those with partners open to it is intense. It’s a bond like no other. If the sadomasochist and masochist learn about it as they go, it’s even stronger. The practice has a level of innocence on both sides, and pain becomes less scary.
Don’t judge what you might not understand. Just do some research and find out for yourself.
Gothic Bite Magazine 